Yesterday I wrote several tips about successfully choosing a spouse for life.  The first item was a common faith AND the same level of fervency and intensity.  Why? Why is this so important?  Let’s explore this for a few minutes to better understand the level of frustration, anger, and hurt that can occur when a significant mismatch occurs.

Most couples go into marriage thinking they can change the other.  Neither will admit to thinking this, however, they will most inevitably do and say things in an effort to mold the person into something other than what the person is.  I’m not saying that it is always a bad thing but the molding process can cause significant conflict.  Often, enough to rip a marriage apart.

Suppose for a moment that one person is a practicing Christian while the other is an Athiest.  These are two very opposing view points and both will come at life from a very different angle.  If both are extremely fervent in their positions, it is likely that they will frequently argue.  Over matters that each are tackling from a different world view.  If they have children, the arguments will also include which faith they teach their children.  In this case the extreme differences in the believe system will eventually cause the rift.

Take a second case, both are Christians but one’s practice of fatih is mediocre and the other regularly and fervently practices their faith.  Arguments in this relationship will likely be around regular church attendance, frequency of scripture reading, practical application of the principles they believe are taught in the Bible.  If children are involved they will likely have a fewer disagreements over raising them than the previous couple. 

 It is entirely possible that this marriage will last.  It is unlikely that this issue alone will separate their marriage unless one of them completely goes to one extreme.  However, if this happens to be one of several straws, then it could be the one that breaks the proverbial camel’s back.  In other words, if any of my other tips are not correctly match this and the others could become a sort of constant irritation.  Something that no one wants.

Wrapping this up.  I know entire books have been written on how to select “the one”.  In my opinion, this is one of the more critical and important things to get right.  We all want our marriages to succeed.  I have never met anyone who went into marriage wanting it to fail.  A successful marriage takes work and a good match in faith and the practice of that faith.  It’s your call.  Think about it.